But at best, all the hundreds of thousands of documents we have gathered are only a few physical fragments that symbolize a much great reality that we cannot wholly recreate. Torrey Johnson, Jr for example, class of ‘30, left behind him tens of thousands of paper documents at his death, not to mention films, audio recordings, and photographs. Since his family generously donated these materials to the Archives, we have spent about eighteen months arranging, describing and microfilming his files of correspondence, sermon notes, church records, evangelistic campaign materials. And yet these hardly tell the story of his whole life are even of all the important events in it. Each of us can think of the disparity between the story of our own lives on one hand and on the other, our own collection of papers. You probably have some collection of papers, even if you are not a compulsive saver. The collection is made up of those various items we have in the attics or the garage that we kept for future reference or because they were important to us or because we forgot about them and never got around to throwing them out. If we do ever get around to looking through our personal collection, we will find that some or many of the events and experiences that were most important to us or which we think shaped us most left little or no impression in our papers, only in our minds and hearts.
We actually have in the Archives no documents from the moment or from very close to the moment of conversion, as experienced from the inside, as experienced by the convert. In theory, you can imagine someone writing in her diary, “I gave my life to Christ today,” or someone writing in a letter to a friend, “Last Tuesday, I became a Christian.” But we do not have any such documents in the Archives that I know of. The closest thing to it are these card filled out by counselors of new converts from the 1959 Billy Graham crusade in Wheaton. And these, of course are second hand. They were filled out not by the converts but by the ministers of the churches who had been asked to follow up on people who came forward at the crusade. And even second hand these cards do not contain information on what was going on inside the converts, only a few basic statistics.
In fact, all of the documents in the Archives in which Christians describe their born again experiences were created not on the initiative of the convert but by outsiders. Mostly what we have here are two different types of documents: oral history interviews and questionnaires.
The oral histories are created on the initative of the Archives staff. About two hundred and fifty people have been interviewed so far, many of them Wheaton alumnae. We contact someone - a pastor, an evangelist, a youth worker, a chaplain - someone involved in Christian work and arrange to tape several interviews with them about their life and faith. Naturally these interviews usually contain a section about how theinterviewee, the narrator, became a Christian. These interviews of course are shaped by the questions and interaction between the interviewer and the narrator. Even more important, from the point of view of interpreting the interview, is the fact that oral history is not the event itself but the interviewee’s interpretation of the event. Inevitably, all a person’s experiences since the event described, affect his description of that event. A bridegroom and bride might describe their wedding one way the day after and another fifty years after.
The other types of records we have are questionnaires. People might be applying for positions as stewards at a Christian conference and part of their job application is a question about how they came to know Christ and their experience as a Christian. Much more detailed are a set of hundreds and hundreds of questionnaires we have from Robert Ferm. He was Billy Graham’s research assistant for many years, For a book he wrote on conversion, he sent questionnaires to people from around the world who had People filling out steward or missionary questionnaires, of course, want to be selected by the selection committee, and that perhaps shapes their answers to some extent, even if unconsciously.
By their very nature, the narratives on the oral history interviews and the questionnaires are humanistic. That is, they are told from a human, not a divine, viewpoint. Christians have a wide variety of explanations of just how Jesus saves, of how his death and resurrection atone. But the nature of these narratives inevitably make the individual a significant actor, even as he or she receives irresistible grace. This is how the individual experienced his or her new birth and the emphasis is on the steps he took, even if from a broader perspective he is indeed walking on a conveyor belt to God. American Evangelicalism has been criticized for its emphasis on the individual as opposed to the household of faith, the community of believers. This is doubtless fair, yet it is also true that embodied in the very metaphors of new birth and life after death is the idea of experiences we all experience alone even when we do them in a crowd or in a community. So remember, there is a divine side to every story that you are about to hear and each individual is part of the body of Christ.
Rev. Consuella York - a pastor, evangelist, social worker, and prison chpalain - reminds us of that as she tells her story, describing her conversion at the age of twelve at the First Corinthian Church in Nashville, Tennessee:
Now
I attended Sunday school there, and it was there that I accepted Christ my personal
Savior. I was twelve years of age. And I was baptized. The pastor's name was
Reverend H. G. Hockett [?], I mean, and I accepted Christ as my Savior then.
And it made a difference and it's b...was a lasting thing. And as I look back
over it now, I see the Lord had this thing all arranged in all the things I've
gone through, it was for my betterment, 'cause I...I loved the Lord, And [pauses]
when I was younger, I...I used to think that I was just being good because I
was being good; I didn't want to do wrong. But I realize now that it was only
through Christ that motivated, because when he's the Lord of your life, he makes
the decisions. You think you're making the decisions; you want to give yourself
credit for it. I realize now it was him, all the time.[From Collection 397, Tape T2]
For the next few minutes, I just want to share a few samples from the rich treasury of conversion stories we have in the Archives:
Why do people turn to Christ? For reasons many and various and mysterious. Here is a quote from one questionnaire in which writer, a young woman, tells how a radio message from Billy Graham spoke to a need she didn’t know she had (by the way, all the quotes from questionnaires in this presentation are recreated from the actual words on the questionnaire, but are not spoken by the convert himself or herself):
I
lived an empty meaningless life, my brief marriage ended in separation, and
I found my pleasures in smoking, drinking and parties. I did not go to church
and ridiculed those who did. I broke no laws, and did not consciously hurt anybody
and was kind to children and animals, therefore I consider myself as good a
Christian as anyone. I was drifting slowly on the downward path to hell and
didn’t even know it until I heard Billy on the radio. His message seemed
aimed right at me and to cover my guilt, I increased my social whirl, but the
following week after hearing another message, I could resist no longer. Immediately
my heart was filled with joy. I was so happy. I felt like shouting my experience
from the rooftops. It was as if a great burden had been lifted from my heart.
I found that problems that would normally have meant worry and sleeplessness
were solved or at least lessened by taking them to God. I found strength and
understanding in Scripture and in prayer. The desire for worldly pleasures was
replaced by the joy of worship. Petty differences and dislikes completely vanished.
My addiction to cigarettes was taken from me and I felt clean and reborn. I
also received a call to missionary service and am training for nursing now.[From Collection 19, Box 21, Folder 22]
Belief - personal, meaningful belief - can be hard for some who grow up in Christian homes. To what degree is their faith real, how much is it just the tradition they grew up in? Archer Torrey, for example, was the son of missionaries and the grandson of evangelist Reuben Archer Torrey Sr, who was also the first president of Moody Bible Institute. It was also just assumed that he would be a minister or missionary:
But
then when I got to college, it occurred to me that if I didn't know for sure
whether there was a God or not, it would be dishonest to get up and preach that
there was one. So, I better settle that question for sure. And while I kind
of assumed there was a God, had assumed it all this time, and premised my life
and behavior on that assumption, it was nothing but an assumption. It wasn't
a fact of experience.... I assumed that God was there, I took it for granted,
I prayed to Him, and I made an act of total surrender and I accepted Christ
as my Savior. I did all those things and yet when I arrived in college, looking
back on it, I had done it because I assumed He was there. And from time to time,
I seemed to have received His guidance and yet I did not have in my heart an
absolute certainty that God existed. It could be just a lot of theory. It could
be just something I'd inherited from my parents. And it occurred to me that
if I didn't know for sure, if I didn't have any certainty that God existed,
I couldn't be a preacher, I'd had no business being a preacher, and goody-goody,
I could go into physics, which is what I really wanted to do.... But I figured,
if there is a God, and I'm not right with Him, I'm going to be in real trouble,
and I better settle this, so I asked God to make Himself real to me if He's
there. And He did, but it took Him about two and a half years. But I promised
I would read my Bible every day and I would pray simply and honestly, without
any pretense, and see what would happen.... And when I read something in the
Scripture that seemed to me probable that God was speaking to me through this
Scripture, I would obey it. That was the test. If nothing happened, then okay,
there's no God. If something happened, then probably there is. And it was on
this basis that evidence began to accumulate. It began to look like there really
was a God. But I didn't have any inner certainty at the end of the first year,
so I decided to run the experiment a second year, and then at the end of the
second year the cumulative force of evidence seemed to be that there probably
was a God, and He probably was the God of the Bible, but I still didn't feel
I had a certainty, so I decided to run the experiment one more year and somewhere
through in the middle of that third year it suddenly hit me. There was no longer
a shred of question in my mind. He was for real, and He was the God of the Bible.
And absolutely no question, He existed. And from then on, there was no question
of doing anything but what He wanted me to do. And I set aside my ideas of going
into physics or any other career, and went ahead for the ministry, much as I
disliked the idea. I had to obey. Now, I didn't learn to love God until quite
a bit later. I learned to know that He existed and that He had to be obeyed,
I was a good Jonah. [Laughs] So I understand the Jonah mentality completely,
but in time He also taught me to love Him.[From Collection 431, Tape T1]
Here is another example of a gradual awakening to belief and faith. It is a quote from another of Robert Ferm’s questionnaires, describing one person’s expereince after coming forward at a Billy Graham evangelistic campaign:
At
first...I noticed nothing different in my former self. All I knew was that I
was a Christian. But then that was only to be for some time. About a few months
later, I attended a service under the Assemblies of God mission. The sermon
was just wonderful. It touched deep down in my heart and it was then that I
realized what I had done by taking that decision for Christ When I finally left,
one of the songs kept making me happy and did not mind singing it aloud on my
way home. It had a beautiful tune and the words were “I have Jesus in
my heart, in my heart, in my heart today. I have Jesus in my heart forever more.
I took the words in and from then on knew I was a Christian really. My spiritual
and inward life was from them onwards one of dedication and happiness, always
finding joy in talking about the Lord.” [From Collection 19, Box 22, Folder 15]
Often a person traced the moment of their conversion to a particular phrase or a single word that stuck in their mind for some reason. Here is an excerpt from an interview with Bill Drury, who was born in a coldwater flat in New York City, served as an infantryman during the Battle of the Bulge and had settled into a business career back in New York when he experienced his new birth. He was attending the church of his new-in-laws.:
And
I sat halfway back.... But I could take you to that church and point out whereabouts
I...I sat. And I heard him talk about this Saul of Tarsus, this murderer, this
religious zealot, and how he meets Jesus Christ on the Damascus Turnpike, and
the whole scene, the whole scenario, how he came to know Christ and how he said,
"Lord, what...what will you have me to do?" And those words a few hours later
meant something to me. And he also said that he [Saul] was the chief of sinners
and that really rang a bell. And I thought, "No way, Jóse! I'm the chief
of sinners, I'm the guy who....” The whole nine yards. I don't know whether
I shared last time how I hit skid row in New Orleans, but I had done it all.
I had done it all. “Fellow, I don't know what you're talking about but
I'm the chief of sinners.” No invitation was given. We talk much about
the work of the Holy Spirit. As I look back I didn't know any of the semantics,
the phraseology, the cliches. And I realize that it was the Holy Spirit of God
dealing with Bill Drury, convicting and chastising, reproving, rebuking....
I could walk from the church to my home a few blocks away. And for the first
time in my life - a very proud, vulgar G.I. home from the wars, now a civilian
with a chip on my shoulder - I walked through the streets of Elmont, Long Island,
and I felt unclean, unclean.... I mean I just felt like I had lived in a cesspool
for twenty-three-and-a-half years. And I cleaned cesspools on...on Long Island
so I know something about that. And I went home.... My wife said to me, "Dear,
would you like to have some coffee, tea?" I said, "I don't want anything." I
said, "Leave me alone. Get off my case and go to bed!." I was sick, Bob. I was
spiritually sick.... And I went out in this little enclosed porch. And we had
a couch on it and I fell on my knees.... And I simply said to God, "I...I...I
don't know how to talk to you. I don't know how anybody can talk to somebody
like...." [laughs] And I muttered for seven hours, from eleven o'clock at night
till six o'clock in the morning.... And I went around and round and I said,
"Whatever you did for that guy in the book, the Bible, whatever you did for
him, I want you to do for me, okay? I don't have any of the smarts that he had,
but I want you to...I want to know personally that you are my God and that you
can come in to my life." I didn't know how to talk.... How does somebody who
had never talked to God one-on-one talk to God? And I said, "Listen, as you
know, and I probably don't have to tell you, that I stutter real badly. And
I don't think you can do it because Dale Carnegie couldn't do it, the speech
therapists, speech tutors in school...." I said, "But if you free this tongue,
if you free this tongue, I’ll use it for your honor and your glory,”
I said, “the rest of my life.” And He did exactly that. He freed
the tongue...And I don't claim to be a mystic or anything like that, but when
I got off my knees I knew that I had met God. I...I...I knew that...you know,
for fear of sounding charismatic, you know [chuckles]...I just knew that I was
cleansed, I was forgiven, that somehow, some way (I was a high school dropout,
as I shared I believe, I didn’t go to high school)...that somehow, someway,
if it was cleaning out, you know, cesspools with my bare hands, I was going
to serve God. Whatever I was going to do, I was going to serve God.[Collection 492, Tape T3]
Of course, we have many tales from people who experienced conversion at mass meetings. Here is a document by Laura Barr, written in her 79th year, after decades of service as a missionary in the Congo and Uganda as a Bible translator and teacher. It is called “Outline of my life, thus far!” Here is her straight forward description of her own conversion which ocured at meetings held by evanglist Rodney “Gypsy” Smith:
I joined the Presbyterian Church at the age of 11 or 12, and took communion for the first time. We children had gone to church and Sunday school from our earliest days, also we had memorized lots of Scripture through the years, had mission and Bible stories read to us, sung childish hymns and Bible stories with mother, etc. But I did not know, even after joining the church, whether or not I was really a Christian, and whether I’d go to heaven when I died. I don’t think I spoke to anyone about my doubts. During those early teen years, neither Lila or I wanted to be ‘religious’, nor did we want to be missionaries. We felt there were enough missionaries in our family! In September 1930 Gypsy Smith came to town, and had an evangelistic campaign in the Methodist Church across from the high-school. I was at the time in the middle of my junior year, 16 years old. I went, and went again, and the third night I raised my hand, went forward and into the inquiry room and sincerely prayed the prayer he said to pray: “Lord Jesus, make my heart Thy home.” All my doubt was removed, I knew I was saved, and I had a completely new attitude toward the Bible. This decision changed the whole course of my life other than going to Art school, as I had planned.
[Collection 481, Box 2, Folder 2]
Here is the story of the evangelistic campaign of W. H. Farrington in Barbados at which T. Michael Flowers came to the Lord. He later became an evangelist himself.
And
one night I was standing on the corner and in the distance I heard singing.
And they would march. They were marching, and when they come in to a stop, to
a light in the street they would circle around him, gather around him and they
[photo-Rader file, 001] would sing a song, finish the song, he would give a
brief word and an invitation that went something like this, "We're having a
series of meetings." And he'd give the name of the place. "You're welcome, the
seats are free and there is absolutely no collection." [ slaps hands together]
And then we'd march toward the hall. And I was on the corner so I followed them
to the place and I listened with rapt attention.... But I went there and I heard
again the proclamation of the Gospel and that night I could have received the
Lord Jesus but for some reason I didn't. I waited until the very last night.
And I didn't intend to do it although I wanted to do I didn't. I grabbed by
hat and I made for the door. And at the door was an elder by the name of George
Minus [sp.?]. I didn't know his name then. Afterwards I to know his name was
George Minus, because he was a plumber and I worked as a carpenter, and later
on we worked for the same contractor. So he said to me, "Young man, when are
you going to decide?" And I kind of mumbled something, and he said, "Why not
do it tonight?" [thumbs the desk or floor] I did. I turned around and I went
back, fifty-three years ago. Thank God for that man who stood there and just
said, "Why don't you do it tonight?" The greatest blessing that has ever come
to me.[From Collection 431, Tape T1]
Those are a few examples of people talking about being "born again." And what does it mean inside? What does it mean in terms of living life as a new creature? Here is one description from a questionnaire:
First
the feeling that a tremendous burden was lifted from my shoulders.Secondly, a feeling of awe that God in Christ had done it all for me.
Third, a hunger for the Word, in study, memorization and preaching.
Fourth, a tremendous sense of gratitude that God had been so faithful, patiently leading for 39 years while I stumbled around in the dark.
Fifth, an urgency to tell others, particularly the unsaved “churched” that there was more to it than church membership, baptism or confirmation
Sixth, yielding my life for the Lord to use as he directed to “make up” as it were, for wasting so much of His time in coming to the point of receiving Christ.
[From Collection 19, Box 22, Folder 15]